Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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