He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
