were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize