You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
