Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
