my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
