I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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