Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
