You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
