No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
