he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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