Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i out mim tonsoeep
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