She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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