i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
