Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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