I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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