I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
