he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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