3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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