I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
