dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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