i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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