My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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