You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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