it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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