We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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