Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
