I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
