Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize