you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
