I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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