Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
