I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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