FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
