She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
