Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How does it feel to date your dad?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
