hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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