brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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