i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Girls should come with a carfax report
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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