you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
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