the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
