im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize