ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
