butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
