Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
