Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
