He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
