I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
false alarm, still single
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
