Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
