My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
wow bdsm is so cute
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
