maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
