I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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