i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
