I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
