I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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