So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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