Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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