Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
