last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
