End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
