Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Mom said you looked used
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
