This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize