She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
