he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
