just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
