My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
