also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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