remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
