somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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