OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
