The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
