we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
