I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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