Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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