This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
