I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
