Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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