I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
