i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
