great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
