this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize