My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
