you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
