he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
