Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
home. puking in laundry basket.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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