Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
organizing the empties. That sober.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
