bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
